Identity Crisis

This Taoist/Dada fascination is part of the building of an identity I have for myself. As I put up some Taoist bricks, I am taking down some Christianity bricks. I don't get rid of all my Christianity bricks because Jesus and all those Jews in the Old Testament said and did some things I agree with. My Christian family members worry when they see me take down some Christian bricks. I don't want to get too much into religion, so I'll stop here.

I was talking about identity. It seems that once we get the physical world figured out enough, we spend the rest of our lives dealing with our own identity. I thought I had myself pegged ten years ago, but I didn't. I keep changing, but it is a predictable and comfortable change.

What I'm discovering these days is that identity is a coping mechanism. Once I declare that I am Taoist, then it's easier for me to make decisions concerning philosophy and spirituality. Once I declare that I am a liberal, then it's easier for me to make decisions concerning politics. Some people don't go that far. They just stick to the religion they were born into to maintain their lasting relationships. As for politics, people change that all the time. Usually middle-of-the-road is safest because it helps with maintaining relationships.

I am thinking of a very risky experiment. It is doing something that goes against your identity. When you do that, you've threatened your relationships and your way of coping with the world. Friends will say, "Why did you do that? I thought I knew you." And you'll reflect and say, "I don't know what I am."

I also think of idenity in terms of preferences. During adolescent years, we experiment with many consumer products (I'm speaking for the privileged folks in "first-world" nations) and base our identity on what we like and dislike. Teenagers are very impressionable, so commercials play a big role in our preferences. For example, when I was a teenager I was a Pepsi boy and not a Coca-Cola boy. You can tell which decade I grew up in based on that example. I see many teenagers basing their identity on products they like. It is sickening, but many people grow out of it. Hey, it helps the economy.

Once I got beyond basing my identity on what was on television, I went to music and its message. Suddenly I became Beatle boy. And I fused my ideals with John Lennon's until it got uncomfortable like posing naked on an album cover. I couldn't do that. My Beatles identity was too limited and obsessive, so I broadened to the ideals of the late Sixties. But the Sixties were in the past, and some ideas back then didn't translate well into the current day. That's when I simplified it to just liberal ideals. It was convenient anyway because I was attending a liberal liberal arts college.

Do see the neverending process of identity? Who am I? I'm not even Dirk Babbage, am I. I think the early adult years are full of collecting things and ideas to match your taste and style. After a few years, one begins to feel bogged down by all these things. That's how I got into Taoism. It's the KISS approach to identity--Keep It Simple Stupid.

This is what happens when you look inward. You find the whole world inside yourself, and you start taking out the trash. I got rid of Pepsi about ten years ago. I now have nothing to do with Pepsi and Pepsi never had anything to do with me. What I keep is people I really know and ideas I really believe. As a younger person, you can't really hold on to ideas until you have them tested. I don't know if my Taoist beliefs have been ultimately tested.

And what about dada? Dada believes in nothing, so that makes it very easy. It's disposable art. Never trust a dadaist.