Monday, January 21, 2008

Ego or Non-Ego?

This is about prophetic coincidence. I've had this happen several times, but I am skeptical of it carrying any meaning. The first time I had observed this was in 1992. A year or so earlier, I was writing about a group of pathetic superheros who became real superheros. One of the momentous occasions in their adventures started when Chicago experienced a flood. Then in 1992, Chicago experienced a real flood.

My ego swelled up with guilty pride. I thought I had predicted this awful event. And for a brief time, I believed that I could control the future with the stroke of my pen. Then I reflected that I only successfully predicted the future when I did not think about predicting the future. So I came to this new conclusion--I can only predict the future when I don't think about predicting the future. Silly?

Other less remarkable predictions occurred during the early 90s, but I cannot recall them. I just remember being baffled by the amount. A lot of them had to do with those superhero stories I was writing. I even stopped writing because I was going to build up to a horrendous showdown between good and evil. That showdown was never written. So did I save the world?

The predictions coming true in high school gave was to wishes coming true in college. I blogged about this in my "Still Thirty" blog. By the end of 1997, I was freaked out that everything I ever wanted happened--I got a girlfriend, the Packers won the Superbowl, the Beatles released new music, I actually won something athletically. It seemed that everything I based my identity on as a child became reality. I was happy but also uneasy that the world seemingly revolved around me that year.

Then I began traveling around the world for the next decade--something I always dreamed about as a child. Why was God being so good to me, I asked myself. During this decade of travel, many of my apocalyptic dreams of my angst-ridden teenage years were coming true. I was dead certain that we would be in a war and the United States would lose its high status in the world. I wasn't surprised about the turn of events. However I wished I wasn't so gloomy and doomsdayish back then.

That's when I came to thinking that I wasn't predicting or manipulating reality, I was actually tapping into the collective unconscious, the universal mind. I have never been able to do this consciously and I don't think I ever will, but when I came to this conclusion I felt at ease like the world and the human race won't meet a drastic ending anytime soon. I felt no need to worry about the future state of things.

This realization was similar to my mystical experiences mentioned in an earlier posting. We'll always be around. As I get older, I feel as if reality is becoming more and more like me. Or vice-versa I'm becoming more and more like reality. Am I conforming or is the world following me? This is the ultimate question of ego versus non-ego.

If I were a narcissist, I would believe that I was actually controlling the world or reality through some pseudo-scientific method like psychic powers. I don't believe this.

Through reading and experiencing life, I feel like the world is becoming more and more familiar. It's somewhat similar to saying that I am beginning to recognize God. This feeling makes me not afraid to die because I feel as if the universe is me and I am the universe, which to an extent is true. What is in the macrocosm (the universe) is in the microcosm (the mind/body). This sounds egotistical, but it is the opposite. Everybody contains the universe as the universe contains everybody.

Now I sound a bit crazy, but this craziness is supported by the Tao Te Ching and other esoteric spiritual texts. The purpose of this blog is to illustrate how my thoughts evolved from perceiving the world or reality when coincidences occur. Now I don't need coincidences to occur to make me feel or believe this. I've had so many coincidences in my life that I am certain in my beliefs.

Does this certainty make me old?

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